Get any presents?

Cracker Jokes from the Guardian

Made me smile...

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? 

9/11 

Jon Holmes

What's pink and wrinkly and hangs out your pyjamas? 

Your mum 

Jeremy Dyson, The League of Gentlemen

Why has Noddy got a hat with a bell on it? 

Because he's a twat. 

Ricky Gervais